From the Vault
by Egas Bladesoul
Summary: Strange plot bits i thought up but don't care enough about to make full stories out of. Some may be rather gruesome, others humorous. Reader beware, some things are better left chained within the confines of my mind.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the realm of Harry Potter or any of its constituent elements.

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Features: Smarter than canon Harry, best friend Hermione, fair weather sidekick Ron Weasley (not appearing in this short), and wise guy Nicholas Flamel.

Location: Hogwarts, shortly after the Hospital Wing scene after the Defense of the Philospher's Stone, beginning outside the Headmaster's Office.

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A seemingly grim, ageless man walked down from the staircase that lead to the headmaster's office. Just released from the Hospital Wing, Harry Potter, Defender of the Ignorant, and Hermione Granger, Smartest Witch of Her Generation, watched the man, the legend, as he left his meeting with the eccentric headmaster. "Mister Flamel," Harry called out to the man. "We'd like a word, if you wouldn't mind."

"Ah, Mr. Potter, Ms Granger, two of the defenders of my Stone. I suppose I owe you enough to spare you a moment of your time. Though I must warn you now, I am not currently looking for any apprentices," Nicholas Flamel acceded. "Perhaps somewhere a little more private," he said, leading them to an unused classroom, and flicking his wand a few times. "How may I be of service?"

"Well, we did some studying," Hermione began.

"I don't want any alchemy related questions, if you would," he interrupted her.

"Well, I really don't know how to ask this sir, but, well, we were reading ahead in our text books and I came to a startling conclusion," Harry began. Nicholas looked confused, unsure of where the disturbingly scrawny child was going with this. "I'm just going to come out and ask, sir. The elixir of life, its just a shrinking solution, isn't it?"

Nicholas smiled. "That would be telling. How would you explain the transformation of any metal to pure gold then?"

"Well, the wizarding world, from what we've seen of it, is rather stagnant, denouncing innovation and change. If someone, Mr. Flamel, were to discover a spell to transfigure things into gold, after centuries of failures, and say that it was a magical gemstone that they theorized must exist, do you think that anyone would try to reverse engineer the spell?" Hermione asked. "Most wizards just accept it and move on in life."

"Congratulations," Nicholas smiled. "You've figured out what no one else has in six hundred years. Now, what to do with you?

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Premise of this story: In PoA, when Snape feeds Trevor the Toad the shrinking solution it turns into a tadpole instead of getting smaller, so if a person were to drink it, they would get younger.


	2. Memories

Disclaimer: The realms of Harry Potter and its constituent elements Belong to JKR, not I.

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Starring: Over angsty Harry; OH-HELL-NO! Sirius; disapproving Moony; (Young) Asshole Snape.

Settings: Umbridge's office, 12 Grimmauld Place, Hogwarts of Days Gone Past, Hogwarts Express.

Premise: Sirius gets the answers the fire-call after Harry sees Snape's "memories" of their OWLs.

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"Sirius," Harry greeted his godfather through the fireplace. "I just saw Snape's memories from after your Defense OWL. Did you really bully him that much?" Sirius' eyes glinted dangerously, before reaching through the emerald fire to pull the whiny bitch into his house.

"Sit," he ordered pushing the scrawny boy into a chair. "Moony, my office NOW!" Sirius rifled through a cabinet, pulling out several glasses and a dusty bottle of firewhiskey. He poured Harry a shot. "Drink," he ordered before pouring himself and Moony a shot.

"But," Harry began to protest.

"You wanna judge the adults, then you can drink like the adults," Sirius interrupted him, motioning for him to drink. Harry glared at him, and then did so, coughing flames up.

"Harry, what a pleasant surprise," Remus Lupin, aka Moony, greeted the boy as he walked into the office. "Did you need something Sirius? Some of us are busy trying to clean house."

"Harry, here," he gestured harshly, "has just seen Snivellous' memories of the incident after our Defense OWL, and has seen fit to question our motives." Remus ceased smiling and took his seat, throwing back his shot of hard liquor. Sirius fixed a directional lumos above Harry's head, and dimmed the rest of the lights in the room.

"Tell me, exactly, what you saw," he demanded, and Harry complied.

"Why the buggering hell would you treat him like that?" Harry then asked outraged, only to be hit with a silencing charm.

"Okay, you've told his version of the story, so now let us tell you what's wrong with it," Lupin began. "First, Snape didn't find out I was a werewolf until seventh year, when Sirius sent him after me. Otherwise he wouldn't have been stupid enough to go to the Shrieking Shack that night. Therefore, he clearly never heard me admitting to being one. Which means that he left an altered memory out for you to see."

"Second," Sirius took over. "I don't think you understand the situation between the Marauders and the trainee Death Eaters. Your grandfather had been killed just before James began his First Year at Hogwarts because of his progressive viewpoint. He tried to hide it, but we caught him crying one night, and Moony and I had to help him get over it. We decided that since we couldn't help stop the Death Eaters, we could stop people from wanting to join up. So we decided to start pranking the dark students. And there was never a darker student than old Snivellous. He showed up to Hogwarts knowing more dark magic than most Seventh Years. And he gave as good as he got. At least our pranks were amusing. He liked to just hex us with nasty things. Think things like the slug-belching hex, but worse."

"Third," Moony continued. "When Sirius sent Snape after me, it was out of revenge. Snape had raped and murdered Padfoot's longtime girlfriend, Vanessa Vandric, and gotten off clean, because Dumbledore didn't think that Snape was capable of doing such a thing."

"And finally," Sirius began again, "why the bloody hell didn't you call me over the mirror? Do you like smacking a hornet's nest like you're doing to Umbridge? Think, don't just act. Trust me on this, last time I just acted, I ended up in Azkaban. Now finish your firewhiskey so we can make you a portkey back to your dorm."


	3. Storybook Hero

Disclaimed

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"I'm Ron, Ron Weasley," the red head across from him said.

"Harry, Harry Potter." The black haired boy answered

"Do you really have, that, that scar?" Ron asked. Harry pulled his hair back to show the distinctive lightning bolt scar on his forehead. "Wicked. How about the dragon, did you really fight a dragon?" The boy asked in awe.

"Excuse me, have either of you seen a toad, a boy named Neville lost one," a bushy brunette interrupted.

"No, sorry," Harry answered. Before the girl could speak again, he answered Ron's question. "Yeah, Dudley decided to ditch school one day and dragged me with, until a large black dragon swooped down and carried the git off."

"How'd you do it?" Ron asked, enthralled. "My brother Charlie works with dragons in Romania. He says that it takes half a dozen wizards to beat a dragon."

"Well," Harry said, "I grabbed onto the dragon's tail as it was flying away. When we got to its den, it put my cousin in a cage with some other morbidly obese children. I hid in its treasure until late at night. I picked the lock on the cage, but my cousin woke up the dragon. It was going to cook us, but I threw a torch in his mouth and he burnt his tongue. Then he went on and on about how he was such a failure as a dragon. Told me how he wasn't good enough to kidnap a princess, and so his family kicked him out. I told him that if his family was to dense to realize what a decent person he was, that they didn't deserve to be around him, and explained that there aren't many princesses left nowadays, which explained why he couldn't kidnap one. He gave me one of his teeth, and said if I ever needed his help to just picture him in my mind's eye, and he would come."

"That's the biggest bunch of codswallop I've ever heard," the girl interjected. "I've read all about dragons, and they aren't capable of talking to anyone."

"That's what they said about snakes, but I understand them just fine," Harry shrugged. "Like this one feathered snake that tried to make its home in my Aunt Petunia's rose bushes one summer. Said it reminded her of the cacti back home. She was from Mexico, but accidentally ended up on a plane here."

The girl harrumphed and stormed off. Harry got up to chase after her. "Mate, don't worry about it. If she doesn't want to believe it, that's her problem," Ron stopped him. "What about the giants, did you really defeat two giants in battle?"

"Well, not really, they more of defeated each other, I just egged them on a bit," Harry replied with a grin. His smile faded slightly. "How do you know about all of this?"

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Concept: Everything that fanon wizarding world fairy tales say about Harry Potter is true, going on adventures, rescuing damsels in distress, defeating dark lords. The someone from the wizarding world learns of his exploits either during or immediately afterwords, obliviate Dudley, who is almost always Harry's impetus, and then later publish a new children's book about Harry. As such, Harry is disturbingly well connected to pureblood society, having saved many of the daughters, and knows a hodgepodge of odd magics that he learns or is given as a reward.


	4. A Town Hell Calls Home

Is anyone actually reading this stuff? This marks the first of my many odd crossover ideas that will likely eventually be posted in here.

Takes place right after Harry sees Snape's memories in DH. Slightly non-canon alignment of events.

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"I'm, a horcrux," Harry thought to himself. "That means, for Voldemort to die... No. No, I refuse to accept that there isn't another way. But if Dumbledore couldn't find a solution, than what could we possibly do?" the little voice in his head asked, gloomily.

"Harry," Neville called out. "All the younger students are out, do we need to maintain the Room anymore?"  
"Nev, your a genius," Harry thought to himself. "No, Nev, but I want to check something. I'll meet with everyone in the Great Hall when I'm done." Neville nodded and began to jog away. "Listen, if you get a chance, Nagini, Voldemort's snake, has to die before its over. If something happens, make sure you get the snake."

"Harry, mate, you sound as if your going to die," Neville stated.

"Not if I can help it, but this isn't a fairy tale," Harry admitted. Neville nodded in agreement before continuing on his way. After the door faded, Harry began to pace. I need a way to destroy the Horcrux within me. _I need a way to destroy the Horcrux within me. I need a way to destroy the Horcux within me._ When the door appeared, it was different. Instead of being like the other doors in the castle, it was heavy, reinforced, as if to keep something in. Harry opened the door to find a pedestal with a tome open upon it. Curious, he began to read from the open page.

_**"For when all hope is lost, and there is no other way. For when the demon within is more terrifying than the demon without. For when there is no turning back. But most importantly of all, For those who believe themselves to be sturdy enough to face the Perils within. This is the Key. This is the Door. Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here, For It Will Betray You. Cling not to your gods or idols, the only thing between you and oblivion, is your own mettle. For those who fly where eagles dare, welcome, to the town Hell calls Home."**_

"What the hell?" Harry thought as he turned the page, echoing what the voice outside the room said. Hermione shoved the door open to see Harry standing at the pedestal, turning the page. Around the edge of the room, the torchlight began to flicker and spit, until only Harry was in the light. Hermione began to run to his side, as Harry picked up a disk cut into the rest of the book. As he picked it up, the door slammed shut, and the room went truly black.

Red light flickered in, but did little to brighten the room. It was different, as if someone had searched for something, upending things and scattering papers. And on the side of what appeared to be a hospital gurney, was what appeared to be blood. "Harry, where are we?" Hermione asked, trying and failing to keep the fear out of her voice.

Harry grimaced, just then noticing Hermione's presence. He opened his mouth, to scold her for being her, to explain why he was here, but he couldn't. How could he tell his best friend that he was searching for a way to survive, and he very well have made a deal with the devil to do so. Instead, his voice took on a definitive edge. "I don't know. Keep your wand at the ready."

Side by side they left the room, to find themselves in a hospital waiting room, equally trashed and filthy, with disturbing stains. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas, anymore," Hermione whispered. Harry looked at her weird. "Honestly, Harry, haven't you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?" she asked him.

"Nope, my relatives defined it as freakish and abnormal," he replied, leading Hermione towards an exit sign. They pushed ou the emergency exit, to find a short expanse of road, and then nothing. The road ended in a pitfall, like a giant sinkhole claimed everything. Harry held out his hand.

"But its too late in the year for snow," Hermione commented as Harry caught one of the "snowflakes" and rubbed it into his hand.

"This isn't snow," he paused. "its ash."

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I wonder if I would write fanfictions about a story that I had written? Nevertheless, I own neither Harry Potter and its affiliates or Silent Hill and its.

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Omake:

"Wait a minute," Harry exclaimed. "I couldn't have been a Horcrux, I've been bitten by a basilisk. The venom would have just destroyed the soul fragment.

Dumbledore's spirit looked at Harry for a minute, then began beating his head on the train, yelling, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!" After a few minutes of this, he turned to Harry. "Sorry, kid, I really screwed the pooch on this one."


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